is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
