if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We don't watch enough power rangers
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
