if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
