These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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