you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
