This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
