operation harelip BJ is a go
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
