Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
