whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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