just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
