I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
