I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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