I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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