I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
