Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
