I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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