Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
