if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
