He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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