you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This house was built for laser tag.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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