she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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