my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
