I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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