First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
