my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
