im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
