True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize