May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
