pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
