So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
