Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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