hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
