Midget sex pt 2 tonight
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
