Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
