I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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