Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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