Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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