hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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