Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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