Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's great music for shaving your balls
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
