Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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