fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
