Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
