i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
