If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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