Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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