But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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