And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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