I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We're too hungover to prance.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
