pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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