Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
