I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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