brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
