How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
