You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
