I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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