can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
