i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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