I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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