I need help removing her.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize