ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
