i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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