it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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