I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
