do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
