I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
