Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
